Ebi

Ebi passed away yesterday at about 5PM, Shinpei saw him as he was leaving, but did not get to say goodbye. He had eaten several lily leaves, a species similar to the Tiger Lily, and lilies are deadly poisonous to cats... I had left him at the vet the day before, after the vet said that he needed more intravenous. His bodily functions had shut down, and the level of toxins in his blood was at >130, whereas normal is from 8 to 30. He had renal failure.

We had a funeral, and we have been crying non-stop. We loved him so much. Yet there are things that I have learned from this, that I never want to happen again, or that I need to reexamine in my life. Why does it take death or near death for people to change? Why could I not see this before?? I am so angry with myself for not stepping out of the haze of every day, to look at the situation, and do something about it before it was too late.

One thing is that I wasn't aware enough of his body warnings. We tried changing his food when he started getting finicky. I thought it was just a cat thing. We should have taken him to the vet for that. Also, urination went down in frequency. We should have taken him in for that. Every six months, a check up at the vet, and he would still be with us. Cats and Dogs can't say how they feel. Ebi, in particular, was a lot like me. I don't like throwing up, neither did he. He wouldn't throw up, even when he felt really bad. He also didn't show physical pain. When the vets gave him his shots, he was really quiet and just looked uncomfortable. So I should have recognized chenges in bodily waste and eating habits, and taken him in.

The other thing, and this hurts so badly to think about, is that he was so miserable. He was so very lonely and sad. We had been looking for another cat, but we didn' find one in time... I actually thought of two, but one I should have taken in and didn't, and then she dissappeared along with several other cats the very next weekend(I felt horrible about that, because I could have saved her, and I could have given him a friend, but she wasn't exactly what I wanted so I didn't though I felt that I should. This was in July). He was still eating well in July, but he had urination problems according to Shinpei. So, note to self, if one person goes to the vet, the same person should go to the vet, feed, clean, and talk to the vet, or else importan information might be lost. Then Angel came to stay with us for a week in August. Ebi was in Heaven, he was so happy. He didn't want to go outside, and wasn't restless, his playmate was there. Then Angel went home, and Ebi was miserable for four days, searching and calling for his friend. That was when I decided that he must have a friend, or something bad might happen. Then the rabbit came, and stayed with us for a month, and Ebi was fascinated with Pippin, but scared of him at the same time, and would run away from him, but follow him around. When the rabbit found a new home, Ebi didn't call for him, but he looked for him all over the house for a few days, and he would look woefully at where he had been. And then when we would come home he would try to excape outside. We think it was to look for the rabbit. But after three days he stopped trying hard, and would stand at the door waiting for us. He always wanted to go outside, and in Saga, I would let him out every now and then, but he got crazy and started going far, and then we would take him out on a leash. But since we moved to the ocean and the highway, and I got busy, then Shinpei got busy, we took him out less and less, and then these last few months he was alone all day until late at night... he must have been so horribly lonely...

I feel so strongly that, yes, he had a problem with his kidneys, and I think that if he had been happy, it would have never happened. Shinpei says he was happy, and he was sometimes. We played with him, and petted him, and talked to him and loved him. But we didn't give him what he needed the most for his heart, a friend to play with. And when I sat at the computer, and he would go nuts in the afternoon, I should have really looked at that, and asked myself what it meant, what HE needed. Because he couldn't tell me with words. Its so easy to look back now that he's gone and I'm in tears, that he just needed me to take him outside. I was so selfish with my time, and I didn't think about how HIS every day was. I just thought I could get him a friend, and everything would be better, but I needed to open my eyes to the warning signs of illness, and the body language, that would have been love.